So, I will begin this post by telling you a bit more about me. I am what some would call a hopeless romantic and from what I have seen recently on social media, I am not the only one. I guess I was blind to it being married, and not entertaining anything that would taint that. In a couple of weeks, I will be widowed for approximately one year, and in that year I have learned so much about myself. I thought that I would never want to get married again if something happened to my spouse, but I have recently found myself entertaining the idea. While I have been going along minding my business, finding myself, and re-building my life, I have been dealing with unfamiliar territory. I was married for sixteen years, so all of this "sliding in my DM's" and being flirted with and asking for my number...is very foreign.
What perplexes me the most is how much dating and relationships have changed since I was single in the mid-2000's. I literally feel like I am in the Twilight Zone. This dating scene is not the business. But what makes it so much harder for me as I believe it does for many other believers is, that we have boundaries to ad-hear to. We don't get to have random hook-ups and one-night stands and juggle several men or women at once as options. God expects so much more from us...but we are human. I can't speak for everyone, but I will speak from my personal experience: After getting married very young, being unequally yoked in marriage for a good number of years, not getting what I wanted or needed all the time...I learned a lot from making a very impulsive and naive choice in what is a big decision in life.
Maybe I'm wrong but I think people want the title of marriage, they want the look of it, the beautiful wedding, the cute kids, the white picket fence, the romance, the kisses and cuddles, and family vacations. But do they want to put in the work, sacrifice, and dedication it takes to achieve those wonderful moments? Now that I know where I went wrong, this next time around I want to do it right. I want a mental, emotional, and spiritual connection. I want God at the head of my marriage. I want to feel secure that no matter the ups or downs I know and He knows I'm going to show up and do the work every day.
I completely get why God wants us to wait to have sex until after marriage. I get why he wants us to wait until he sends us the person he has for us. It is to protect us from ourselves. To protect us from emotional damage, to protect us from the spirit of sexual immorality. Yes, I know it sucks to wait and be patient when those lonely days come when your hormones are out of control when everybody seems to have someone but you...but if we know anything about our God, He ALWAYS knows best. He created us, so he knows what we need. However, he also gives us free choice, and if we fall or stumble or slide off the path it hurts him just as much as it hurts us because he never meant for us to be hurt in any way shape, or form, but He uses those moments to teach us something, to grow us and mature us so that He can shape us into the people he created us to be.
The Bible says "Seek ye first the kingdom of God and all these things will be added unto you" Matthew 6:33. See God knows all our wants, needs, and desires. Who do you think gave them to you? But in order for God to move we have to work on what should be the most important relationship in our life...our relationship with Him. Through that relationship, He will begin to do a work in us, heal, fix, cultivate, and prune, do all the things to prepare us for all that we are asking him for, including the person he has for us. "When the time is right, I the Lord will make it happen."Isaiah 60:22 I don't know about you, but I've seen what happens when you think you know better than God and I'm done having my butt kicked. I have the receipts (scars) to prove it. Draw near to God and he will handle the rest.
I suggest the book Relationship Goals by Pastor Michael Todd. God has anointed him in this area of ministry and I think it will be a blessing to you, and no I am not being paid for this plug. I just literally want to help everyone win at relationships and develop a stronger relationship with God. Love You All....